Alley Racket

Noises I hear from the alley next to my apartment:

-- Homeless men yelling at each other and digging in the garbage bins. It's a wonder I can't smell them from our windows too.

-- Church choir singing hymns on Sunday afternoons and Wednesday evenings. How can I hear their praises to the Lord so clearly? The choir room windows from the church next door face the south side of our apartment. I don't know if the choir senses when I turn on my TV to watch my Wednesday night show, So You Think You Can Dance, but they always seem to sing the loudest during that time. Damn it, Choir, knock it off with the Kumbaya and let Twitch and Kerrington do their thing with no interruption!

-- Latin music blasting from a ghetto car that is set low enough to the ground the bottom scrapes along the speed bumps. The Spanish-speaking music is SO loud that the bass bumps through our apartment and I'm relearning a second language with each drive by. Who knew Latinos could be such thugs while blaring Celia Cruz from their stereos?

-- Car horns honking while idling in front of an apartment. Apparently, this is the best way to retrieve someone you are picking up. God forbid the person park his car and knock on the door (that would be too old-fashion) or call from his cell phone so he doesn't irritate the neighbors (it's doubtful that he doesn't have a cell phone if he can afford 26" rims on his shitastic car.)

-- Kids screaming at 7AM every Saturday and Sunday. How does playing and running around always involve screaming for little kids? There are dog breeds that are bred without the ability to bark. I'm just saying...let's give it a little thought.